Shmoopy, Sweetie or Cupcake? (Don't Call Me Shmoopy!)

The early stages of a relationship is marked by silliness usually brought on by an unholy and copious release of hormones. In their light-headedness, couples are heard to refer to one another as "shmoopy" and engage in discourse found amusing only to babies and those highly intoxicated.

A gentleman of fine breeding practices proper decorum in the practice and manner of courtship. The lady of one's affectation should always be referred to by her first name along with the honorific "Miss" (example: Miss Jane). The lady shall do the same for her counterpart using the honorific "Mister" (example: Mr. Ed).

Shameful displays of public affection is discouraged and not tolerated (for example: exuberant tonguing or any embracing involving the female's legs wrapping around the man's torso).

As a couple reaches a familiarity with one another, a relaxation of the rules of decorum is permitted allowing for the individual to be referred to as "sweetheart", "hon", "cupcake" or "sweetie". (Etiquette dictates that one reciprocates with same--preferably with a smile.) During this period, a man discovers his willingness to drive his lady to the airport or pick up sanitary napkins at the grocery store. (He must also politely inquire if she prefers a product for light or heavy days.)

When the relationship enters the mature period (often referred to as the "dark ages"), communications between the couple is no longer hampered by earlier rules and communications is reduced to a series of low frequency grunts. In some situations, communications is accomplished with a flag in each hand or a series of hand gestures.