Cyrano On: Pursuing Fruitless Romance

Dear Cyrano:
I am attracted to a girl at work. We get along really well. I think about her a lot and I really want to see more of her. The problem is that she has a boyfriend. I want to tell her how I feel. Should I?

Cyrano: As Cher said to Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck: “Snap out of it!” (or something to that effect). In case you didn’t get it, the answer is “no”. She has a boyfriend. Yes, the two of you get along really great, but that doesn’t mean she is interested in you romantically. The problem is not that she has a boyfriend, the problem is you thinking that there could be something more between you and your co-worker when the circumstances are telling you that nothing can come from your gambit.

You can tell her how you feel about her, but be cautioned, your admission may change your relationship in a way you don’t want--she may feel uncomfortable about your feelings for her and she may not interact with you as you and she have been, and/or, she may tell you outright that she’s not interested and you’ll end up feeling rejected and foolish. There are times when you can open up and tell someone about how you feel about them, but this situation is not one of them.

Obsessing about someone who is not available is obviously not in your best interest emotionally or from a practical stand-point. You still have to work with this person and you’re likely going see her each day so you’re going to have to come to terms with your feelings; i.e. accept the fact that she is involved with someone else and get on with finding a partner who is actually available and interested.

Go fishing elsewhere.