Cyrano on Finding and Mentoring Love

Finding Someone At My Age


Dear Cyrano:

I’m a professional career woman in my mid-forties who has invested a lot of time on my career but not on relationships. I would like to find someone to have a long term relationship but as an older woman, I’m feeling that it’s going to be difficult. I’m not interested in dating younger men, bars or coming across as a cougar. My question is how do I go about finding someone at my age?

Cyrano: The simple answer: Ask men whom you find interesting out. I’m not trying to be flippant, but as a professional career woman, I’m sure you have better than average communication skills and you are more than capable of inviting someone out for a coffee or tea. Dating and finding someone compatible is a numbers game. The more individuals you meet, the better your chances are for finding someone compatible. If you don’t ask, you won’t know (if someone is interested or available) and you won’t have any opportunities. If you’re finding rejection to be an issue, realize that having someone say “no” does not invalidate who you are. Getting to yes may involve a few no’s. You may wish to begin with activities in organized settings such as classes, workshops, clubs or activities that you find interesting and that have a mix of men and women. Organized activities provide a safe environment to meet and engage people.

Be confident and pro-active. Don’t make assumptions. Smile and be open to friendship. If you find someone interesting, be specific in your requests. Say something like, “I’d like to know more about you, would you like to join me for coffee?” And if you find that the person you were interested in not to be your cup of tea, you are under no obligation to pursue the relationship any further.